As you can see from the picture, I have this placard hanging in my house. You can see the cracks in the heart and it looks outdated and worn out. From looking at it, you wouldn’t know the story behind it or the journey it has been on. It isn’t perfect but it is Imperfectly Beautiful and it means the world to me…
Over ten years ago, I was holding the broken pieces sobbing uncontrollably. My heart was broken in a million pieces and I just so happened to be holding a broken heart that was so much more than a gift. It was a gift my brother had given me for Christmas. I had packed it so carefully and put it in my suitcase for safekeeping. Now it was broken and it would never be as it was again. Devastation was an understatement of how I felt.
We were moving back to the States from Australia, so we had packed up all our prized possessions and were stopping off at Toronto for some of our best friends’ wedding before going back to Montana, where my parents lived. One of our friends was bringing up our suitcase when he had noticed that the placard had been broken on the plane. Our friend had no idea of the importance that it held to me and was caught off guard by my uncontrollable crying. After all, it was just a placard, one I surely could replace. He didn’t know it was from my brother.
My brother, Timothy had passed away only a few months before that. He had passed away only 3 days after I had opened that gift. My mom had told me, he had spent a long time putting thought into and choosing that specific placard out. My husband and I had just been married in November and he wanted to give us a gift for our new home. Three days later he was gone and I was shattered. This was the last gift I had received from Timothy, it was so much more than a placard. It was one of the few tangible things of Him I had left to hold onto. Now it would never be the same, I couldn’t help but think that the broken pieces I held, that were once a heart was how I felt. I felt like my heart was broken and could never be put back together again.
My husband held me while trying to comfort me by assuring me it could be glued back together. However, I just wanted it to be like it was before it was broken. I wanted everything to be like it was before my heart was completely and utterly broken a few months before. Life wasn’t fair and it was hard to imagine it ever being good again. After all, does a broken heart ever look or even operate as it once did? Can something broken actually be beautiful or is it just broken?
You see, that placard represents my beautiful brother and his beautiful thoughtfulness but it also represents so much more. I survived one of my darkest seasons. Although I still feel the brokenness of his death and absence from my life, I AM HERE and I am so grateful for the time I had with him. I am ok and it is a part of my story, it isn’t perfect but it is beautiful. That season changed me, I am not the same person I was and that is ok. I found courage that I didn’t know I had in me, I found out that actually the human body can endure tremendous amount of pain and still survive even when it feels like you can’t. I also found that God surrounds you with the right people when you need them at the moment you need them. These are all invaluable lessons that have helped make me who I am today.
As you can see from the picture, it was glued back together carefully by my wonderful husband and it has lived on my walls in five different houses through many different seasons. There have been many seasons that have come and gone since that season and some very painful. There have been seasons where I have remembered to see the beauty in those difficult and unexpected seasons and then there are seasons of relearning, relearning to breathe and know that you will be ok. In these seasons, God has been so faithful to remind me of who I am and whose I am. Can you see my brokenness? Absolutely, I am still being put back together but not so I can be the same as before but so that I can tell my story, my Imperfectly Beautiful story.
We can’t always see the pain and heartache in each other that has shaped and made us who we are. We all have Beautifully Imperfect stories and it is no small thing that you are here to tell it. You have survived and maybe just maybe gained some invaluable treasures despite the pain and heartache along the way, I know I have. I don’t know what dark and difficult seasons you have gone through but they don’t disqualify you. They are a part of your story, just a chapter, not the whole story.