The most important and life-changing lesson my children have taught me is to stop and celebrate the small victories. When my three kids were diagnosed with autism, there were a lot of challenges and hurdles that we knew they would face and that we would face as a family. For a long time, I was overwhelmed every day by the day and its challenges. There are still days like that, where I feel so overwhelmed by life and all its uncertainties.
There are many things are very challenging, when you have children with autism. Going to a restaurant, I better have my running shoes on and bill paid at the beginning. If I want to take all three kids to the store by myself, yeah, that never happens. There are so many stories I can tell you about where it all went wrong, some highly embarrassing, some terrifying, some heartbreaking and some just flat out frustrating. However, I will save those for another time.
Perspective truly is vital to contentment and joy. By no means do I have this down. There are days where I am just sad or overwhelmed by the challenges of life and can’t seem to get myself to see anything good. However, I am learning that there is always something to be grateful for and always something to celebrate. There are so many highs and lows in life. Life can be unpredictable and can really throw difficult things in our way. Even amongst all of it, there are little moments along the way to celebrate. Some days it may be that you chose to get out of bed, or that you have a bed that offers you comfort and rest when it is too hard to get out of bed. When we celebrate the small victories in life, it doesn’t mean denial of your current season or that we don’t allow ourselves to grieve. Acknowledging the small victories gives us hope. Hope is important and vital to survival. Hope will get you through the most difficult of seasons.
When I began to celebrate the small victories in my kids, it was hard not to be grateful. My husband and I are so grateful for the community and team of therapists and educators we have around us. They have seen me on my darkest days and have encouraged me to see the accomplishments and growth my kids have made. These people are superstars in my life and have inspired me in so many ways. If you don’t have people around you that do this I would encourage you to read my last blog. These people are largely responsible for the victories we get to celebrate.
My oldest son, Elijah has known the Pledge of Allegiance by heart for years now and he could be heard around the house saying it and yelling a big ‘Amen!!!’ at the end. He is incredibly smart but doesn’t always see the value of sharing it with others. Recently, Elijah not only recited the Pledge of Allegiance over the intercom for the school but also read out the announcements. Elijah saw value in reciting it in front of his peers, this was a victory in our books and was celebrated. Elijah rarely does what you ask just because you ask. Often, things need to incentivized and even then sometimes it just doesn’t happen. A couple of years ago I tried to get Elijah to have school lunches in hopes that maybe he might see his peers eating certain foods and try them himself. It was a fail, he is such a picky eater and there is no incentive big enough to get him to try new foods. This year, however, I decided to just mention to him in passing that if he sees something he wants he has lunch money on his card and he can try it. To be honest I wasn’t really expecting him to do it. He came home very excited to tell me that he had tried a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I have never been able to get him to try a PB&J. We celebrated. There was jumping, there were high fives and lots of praise! It may not seem like a big thing but it was a victory that gave me hope that one day maybe we will try to eat vegetables other than pickles. In those moments I could say to myself, he’s been reciting the pledge for years or it was just a PB&J, it wasn’t something healthy. However, it isn’t helpful to my children or me. These are all small victories that will lead to bigger victories and that fills me with hope.
If you are anything like me, you are hard on yourself and your worst critic. At the end of the day when that voice says you didn’t get everything on your list done, you can choose to celebrate what you did get done instead. If you are in a season of heartache, I have been there a few times myself and there were days the pain felt too much and I couldn’t see anything good and honestly sometimes didn’t want to. If that’s you, you will dance again. One moment at a time, one step at a time, you will get there. The victory in these seasons is that you survived another day when you didn’t think you could. For that you are courageous.